Humor

Remember the debt crisis? The worst economic crisis in America since the Great Depression. The United States almost went under. 

People say it was caused by the federal government forcing poor people to own their own homes. Were they nuts? Everyone knows that poor people can't own their own homes. That's why we have projects. That's why we have trailer parks. That's why we have shelters. 

Well it's going to happen all over again. Poor people are saying there aren't any apartments they can afford anymore, and banks won't help them buy trailers. So they are trying to own homes again. Don't fall for it! It will bring the economy down again. Here's the proof! 

This is the true story of Alice, a poor person, who wanted to buy a home the last time around.

But as perfect as America is in every single way, America is broken! And we can't exchange it because we're 236 years past the 30-day return window. Look around--we don't make anything anymore, we've mortgaged our future to China, and the Apologist-in-Chief goes on world tours just to bow before foreign leaders. Worse, the L.A. Four Seasons Hotel doesn't even have a dedicated phone button for the Spa. You have to dial an extension! Where did we lose our way?!

It's high time we restored America to the greatness it never lost!

Luckily, America Again will singlebookedly pull this country back from the brink. It features everything from chapters, to page numbers, to fonts. Covering subject's ranging from healthcare ("I shudder to think where we'd be without the wide variety of prescription drugs to treat our maladies, such as think-shuddering") to the economy ("Life is giving us lemons, and we're shipping them to the Chinese to make our lemon-flavored leadonade") to food ("Feel free to deep fry this book-it's a rich source of fiber"), Stephen gives America the dose of truth it needs to get back on track.

A follow-up to the New York Times bestselling The New Rules, The New New Rules delivers a series of hilarious, intelligent rants on everything from same-sex marriage to healthcare, from Republican agendas to celebrity meltdowns, with all the razor-sharp insight that has made Bill Maher one of the most influential comedic voices shaping the political debate today.

With another presidential campaign on the horizon and a stellar set of real-life characters to have fun with - New Rule: If Charlie Sheen's home life means he can't have a TV show, then I say Newt Gingrich can't be president.

This enlightening and important book may be the best thing you pretend to read all year.

This second volume from the strip's 2015 relaunch follows just a year after Bloom County Episode XI: A New Hope, but, boy, have things changed. It seems like we need Opus, Bill, and the gang now more than ever. Filled with biting, hilarious, and all-too necessary political insight from one of America's most celebrated cartoonists, a Brand Spanking New Day is just what the doctor ordered.

"'IN SEARCH OF EXCELLENCE, MEETS 'CATCH 22"- Elaine T., exec at a large knowledge-based firm.  

FUNNY AS HELL AND WAY-l'M SORRY-WAY TOO REAL." - Terri B., Former manager, M&A arm of a major telecommunications firm 

AS YOU READ EACH CHAPTER, YOU CAN SEE IT COMING. AT LEAST, I CAN SEE IT NOW. BUT BACK WHEN IT HAPPENED TO ME, I DIDN'T SEE IT COMING AT ALL." - Paul M., line manager at a large manufacturing firm that's gone private 

IF YOU'VE BEEN THERE, YOU GET IT. IF YOU HAVEN'T, YOU DON'T. SHOULD BE MANDATORY READING FOR B-SCHOOL, SO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GET TING INTO." - Ellen M., retired exec, multinational financial firm 

'THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN CHART. THERE'S NO METRIC. IT JUST SEEPS ITS WAY INTO EVERY CORNER OF THE CORPORATION. AND THEN IT FLUSHES ITS WAY OUT THROUGH THE MARKET." - Mike T., Former Harvard economist 

"TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN!" - Walter A., media content provider 

"THIS IS EXACTLY HOW WE GOT TO WHERE WE ARE." - John P., exec at large manufacturing firm 

IT'S THE JAMES JOYCE ULYSSES OF THE MIDDLE MANAGER. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE SHOW IS, OR WHAT SCENE YOU'RE IN, OR WHAT THE RIGHT LINES ARE, OR WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPENING NEXT, OR WHAT IT ALL MEANS. YOU KNOW FOR A FACT THAT SOMETHING'S HAPPENING. THOUGH YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND IT'S NOT ALWAYS FUNNY." - Chris R., SVP at a large financial institution 

"THE BALLAD OF THE HIGH-PERFORMING BABY BOOMER. THANK GOD I RETIRED IN THE 1980S. THANK GOD I INVESTED IN ZERO COUPON TREASURIES AND DIVIDEND STOCKS. I WISH YOU ALL LUCK." -Retired CEO of a large corporation 

"SIX SIGMA ON ACID." -Steve J., computer design engineer

Organized by decade, with commentary by some of the magazine's finest writers, this landmark collection showcases the work of the hundreds of talented artists who have contributed cartoons over the course ofThe New Yorker's eight-two-year history. From the early cartoons of Peter Arno, George Price and Charles Addams to the cutting-edge work of Alex Gregory, Matthew Diffee and Bruce Eric Kaplan (with stops along the way for the genius of Charles Barsotti, Roz Chast, Jack Ziegler, George Booth, and many others), the art collected here forms, as David Remnick puts it in his Foreword, "the longest-running popular comic genre in American life."

Throughout the book, brief overviews of each era's predominant themes--from the Depression and nudity to technology and the Internet, highlight various genres of cartoons and shed light on our pastimes and preoccupations. Brief profiles and mini-portfolios spotlight the work of key cartoonists, including Arno, Chast, Ziegler, and others.

The DVD-ROM included with the book is what really makes the "Complete Cartoons" complete. Compatible with most home computers and easily browsable, the disk contains a mind-boggling 70,363 cartoons, indexed in a variety of ways. Perhaps you'd like to find all the cartoons by your favorite artist. Or maybe you'd like to look up the cartoons that ran the week you were born, or all of the cartoons on a particular subject. Of course, you can always begin at the beginning, February 21, 1925, and experience the unprecedented pleasure of reading through every single cartoon ever published in The New Yorker.

Enjoy this one-of-a-kind protrait of American life over the past eight decades, as captured by the talented pens and singular outlooks of the masters of the cartoonist's art.

Cubicle-dwelling business people the world over have been knowingly nodding, faithfully push-pinning their favorite strips to their cube walls, and--most of all--belly laughing out loud ever since Dilbert first arrived on the scene. In this collection, Excuse Me While I Wag, Dilbert and his look-alike dog, Dogbert, once again provide comic relief to anyone who has ever had to inhabit a cubicle, endure an "initiative of the week," or simply work in an office that has, on occasion, caused them to pull out large clumps of their hair. Scott Adams' dead-on humor in Excuse Me While I Wag is sure to satisfy the hordes of fans worldwide who avidly follow the misadventures of Dilbert, Dogbert, Catbert, Ratbert, the pointy-haired boss, and the rest of the cast of characters in Dilbert's world--a world that's eerily like the one we work in daily.

Authors Sam Stall, Lou Harry, and Julia Spalding have unearthed fascinating trivia about literature (Valley of the Dolls, The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue), television (The Real World, Land of the Lost), fashion (Members Only jackets, the WonderBra), and more. Every page features a sophisticated two-column design and handy guide words for quick at-a-glance reference. Best of all, we've illustrated 100 of the guiltiest pleasures with the same portrait style used by the Wall Street Journal.

Complete with 1,001 entries, it's the ultimate guide to everything you hate to love!

Where New York humans are accomplished, interesting, thoughtful, creative, and even sometimes tragic figures, the cats are simply cats. They do not stand in line for brunch, or have season tickets to the Met, or go indoor-rock climbing in Brooklyn. They do not shop at thrift stores or nibble finger sandwiches at the Russian Tea Room. And they certainly do not give a flying f*ck about the Yankees.

No, the felines of New York bathe, purr, bask languidly in the sun, and occasionally cast baleful glances at the humans who provide them food and shelter. They are proof that behind every New Yorker, there lays a cat just waiting to destroy their IKEA futon and then eat their faces off when they die.

in the truest sense of the word. The physical equivalent of a tall slug, he pays top dollar for massages with happy endings and is fascinated by shitty sitcoms and fat girls. He is also, at times, racially offensive and morally repugnant. He spares no one in his comedy -- least of all himself.

Now, in this outrageous, blisteringly funny collection of essays, Norton tackles the topics that are near and dear to his heart: from public events like the legendary Voyeur Bus incident on the Opie and Anthony Show, which culminated in all involved being taken to jail, or seeking a hug from his childhood idol Gene Simmons, to deeply private moments, including a teenage Jim's embarrassing poetry-writing attempts while in rehab, and his inexpensive sexual experience with an unwashed MILF (a Monolith I'd Like to Forget). His stories are raw, searingly honest in their attention to detail, and most of all, hilarious.

Filled with personal photos and nearly fifty candid and uncompromising essays, Happy Endings is one of a kind...and probably best read on an empty stomach.