Humor

Remember the debt crisis? The worst economic crisis in America since the Great Depression. The United States almost went under. 

People say it was caused by the federal government forcing poor people to own their own homes. Were they nuts? Everyone knows that poor people can't own their own homes. That's why we have projects. That's why we have trailer parks. That's why we have shelters. 

Well it's going to happen all over again. Poor people are saying there aren't any apartments they can afford anymore, and banks won't help them buy trailers. So they are trying to own homes again. Don't fall for it! It will bring the economy down again. Here's the proof! 

This is the true story of Alice, a poor person, who wanted to buy a home the last time around.

But as perfect as America is in every single way, America is broken! And we can't exchange it because we're 236 years past the 30-day return window. Look around--we don't make anything anymore, we've mortgaged our future to China, and the Apologist-in-Chief goes on world tours just to bow before foreign leaders. Worse, the L.A. Four Seasons Hotel doesn't even have a dedicated phone button for the Spa. You have to dial an extension! Where did we lose our way?!

It's high time we restored America to the greatness it never lost!

Luckily, America Again will singlebookedly pull this country back from the brink. It features everything from chapters, to page numbers, to fonts. Covering subject's ranging from healthcare ("I shudder to think where we'd be without the wide variety of prescription drugs to treat our maladies, such as think-shuddering") to the economy ("Life is giving us lemons, and we're shipping them to the Chinese to make our lemon-flavored leadonade") to food ("Feel free to deep fry this book-it's a rich source of fiber"), Stephen gives America the dose of truth it needs to get back on track.

A follow-up to the New York Times bestselling The New Rules, The New New Rules delivers a series of hilarious, intelligent rants on everything from same-sex marriage to healthcare, from Republican agendas to celebrity meltdowns, with all the razor-sharp insight that has made Bill Maher one of the most influential comedic voices shaping the political debate today.

With another presidential campaign on the horizon and a stellar set of real-life characters to have fun with - New Rule: If Charlie Sheen's home life means he can't have a TV show, then I say Newt Gingrich can't be president.

This enlightening and important book may be the best thing you pretend to read all year.

This second volume from the strip's 2015 relaunch follows just a year after Bloom County Episode XI: A New Hope, but, boy, have things changed. It seems like we need Opus, Bill, and the gang now more than ever. Filled with biting, hilarious, and all-too necessary political insight from one of America's most celebrated cartoonists, a Brand Spanking New Day is just what the doctor ordered.

"'IN SEARCH OF EXCELLENCE, MEETS 'CATCH 22"- Elaine T., exec at a large knowledge-based firm.  

FUNNY AS HELL AND WAY-l'M SORRY-WAY TOO REAL." - Terri B., Former manager, M&A arm of a major telecommunications firm 

AS YOU READ EACH CHAPTER, YOU CAN SEE IT COMING. AT LEAST, I CAN SEE IT NOW. BUT BACK WHEN IT HAPPENED TO ME, I DIDN'T SEE IT COMING AT ALL." - Paul M., line manager at a large manufacturing firm that's gone private 

IF YOU'VE BEEN THERE, YOU GET IT. IF YOU HAVEN'T, YOU DON'T. SHOULD BE MANDATORY READING FOR B-SCHOOL, SO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GET TING INTO." - Ellen M., retired exec, multinational financial firm 

'THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN CHART. THERE'S NO METRIC. IT JUST SEEPS ITS WAY INTO EVERY CORNER OF THE CORPORATION. AND THEN IT FLUSHES ITS WAY OUT THROUGH THE MARKET." - Mike T., Former Harvard economist 

"TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN!" - Walter A., media content provider 

"THIS IS EXACTLY HOW WE GOT TO WHERE WE ARE." - John P., exec at large manufacturing firm 

IT'S THE JAMES JOYCE ULYSSES OF THE MIDDLE MANAGER. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE SHOW IS, OR WHAT SCENE YOU'RE IN, OR WHAT THE RIGHT LINES ARE, OR WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPENING NEXT, OR WHAT IT ALL MEANS. YOU KNOW FOR A FACT THAT SOMETHING'S HAPPENING. THOUGH YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND IT'S NOT ALWAYS FUNNY." - Chris R., SVP at a large financial institution 

"THE BALLAD OF THE HIGH-PERFORMING BABY BOOMER. THANK GOD I RETIRED IN THE 1980S. THANK GOD I INVESTED IN ZERO COUPON TREASURIES AND DIVIDEND STOCKS. I WISH YOU ALL LUCK." -Retired CEO of a large corporation 

"SIX SIGMA ON ACID." -Steve J., computer design engineer

When he buys a beach house on the Carolina coast, Sedaris envisions long, relaxing vacations spent playing board games and lounging in the sun with those he loves most. And life at the Sea Section, as he names the vacation home, is exactly as idyllic as he imagined, except for one tiny, vexing realization: it's impossible to take a vacation from yourself.

With Calypso, Sedaris sets his formidable powers of observation toward middle age and mortality. Make no mistake: these stories are very, very funny--it's a book that can make you laugh 'til you snort, the way only family can. Sedaris's powers of observation have never been sharper, and his ability to shock readers into laughter unparalleled. But much of the comedy here is born out of that vertiginous moment when your own body betrays you and you realize that the story of your life is made up of more past than future.

This is beach reading for people who detest beaches, required reading for those who loathe small talk and love a good tumor joke. Calypso is simultaneously Sedaris's darkest and warmest book yet--and it just might be his very best.

Organized by decade, with commentary by some of the magazine's finest writers, this landmark collection showcases the work of the hundreds of talented artists who have contributed cartoons over the course ofThe New Yorker's eight-two-year history. From the early cartoons of Peter Arno, George Price and Charles Addams to the cutting-edge work of Alex Gregory, Matthew Diffee and Bruce Eric Kaplan (with stops along the way for the genius of Charles Barsotti, Roz Chast, Jack Ziegler, George Booth, and many others), the art collected here forms, as David Remnick puts it in his Foreword, "the longest-running popular comic genre in American life."

Throughout the book, brief overviews of each era's predominant themes--from the Depression and nudity to technology and the Internet, highlight various genres of cartoons and shed light on our pastimes and preoccupations. Brief profiles and mini-portfolios spotlight the work of key cartoonists, including Arno, Chast, Ziegler, and others.

The DVD-ROM included with the book is what really makes the "Complete Cartoons" complete. Compatible with most home computers and easily browsable, the disk contains a mind-boggling 70,363 cartoons, indexed in a variety of ways. Perhaps you'd like to find all the cartoons by your favorite artist. Or maybe you'd like to look up the cartoons that ran the week you were born, or all of the cartoons on a particular subject. Of course, you can always begin at the beginning, February 21, 1925, and experience the unprecedented pleasure of reading through every single cartoon ever published in The New Yorker.

Enjoy this one-of-a-kind protrait of American life over the past eight decades, as captured by the talented pens and singular outlooks of the masters of the cartoonist's art.

Ponder, if you will

What happens to your Social Security number when you die?
Why are peanuts listed as an ingredient in plain M&Ms?
Why is Barbie's hair made out of nylon, but Ken's hair is plastic?
What makes up the ever-mysterious "new-car smell"?

Pop-culture guru David Feldman demystifies these topics and so much more in Do Penguins Have Knees? -- the unchallenged source of answers to civilization's most perplexing questions.

Part of the Imponderables(R) series, Do Penguins Have Knees? arms readers with the knowledge about everyday life that encyclopedias, dictionaries, and almanacs just don't have. And think about it, where else are you going to get to the bottom of how beer was kept cold in the Old West?

Where do we come from? Who created us? Why are we here? These questions have puzzled us since the dawn of time, but when it became apparent to Jon Stewart and the writers of The Daily Show that the world was about to end, they embarked on a massive mission to write a book that summed up the human race: What we looked like; what we accomplished; our achievements in society, government, religion, science and culture -- all in a tome of approximately 256 pages with lots of color photos, graphs and charts.

After two weeks of hard work, they had their book. Earth (The Book) is the definitive guide to our species. With their trademark wit, irreverence, and intelligence, Stewart and his team will posthumously answer all of life's most hard-hitting questions, completely unburdened by objectivity, journalistic integrity, or even accuracy.

Whether he's contemplating the possibility of life after death, deconstructing popular Christmas carols, or just calling bullsh*t on Donald Trump, Jillette does not fail to shock and delight his readers. And as ever, underneath these rollicking rants lie a deeply personal philosophy and a generous spirit, which find joy and meaning in family, and peace in the simple beauty of the everyday. Every Day Is an Atheist Holiday! is a hysterical affirmation of life's magic from one of the most distinctly perceptive and provocative humorists writing today.

In Hot Flash Haiku, you'll find 200 funny and frank, punny and profound poems designed to delight women of a certain age. Hot flashers Jennifer Basye Sander and Paula Munier have divided this hilarious and moving collection by the five stages of grief, alternately laughing and lamenting about such ageless topics like love, sex, children, death, taxes, and life in general on the far side of forty.

Hot Flash Haiku: Because you're hot and you know it!