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Since time immemorial mankind has been plagued by the question "What do you do with a dead cat?" Here, at last, in 101 hilarious, outrageous, and (sometimes) downright sick cartoons, are some answers. 101 black-and-white illustrations.
Remember the debt crisis? The worst economic crisis in America since the Great Depression. The United States almost went under.
People say it was caused by the federal government forcing poor people to own their own homes. Were they nuts? Everyone knows that poor people can't own their own homes. That's why we have projects. That's why we have trailer parks. That's why we have shelters.
Well it's going to happen all over again. Poor people are saying there aren't any apartments they can afford anymore, and banks won't help them buy trailers. So they are trying to own homes again. Don't fall for it! It will bring the economy down again. Here's the proof!
This is the true story of Alice, a poor person, who wanted to buy a home the last time around.
All Women Are Bitches is a short, historically factual, very irreverent and slightly biased account of the relationships between women and men and their connection to religion. Although this is clearly meant to be a handbook for men, it is dedicated to all the beautiful women who inspired me to write it. I realize that many of you will understandably be quite upset with me and think that only an asshole would write a book with a title like this. You could be right about that, but please don't rush to judgment. Do you really think I spent all this time and effort to be known as the asshole who wrote a book? The contents might surprise you, and if you take the time to read the entire book, you may change your opinion. I'm actually very loveable. And ladies, if you do decide to read this handbook for men, there is a section near the end where I offer you some helpful advice that you may be able to use in the future. And don't get all negative on me before I even start; I'm not telling you what to do because I know better. I'm only offering advice. When I decided well over a year ago to write a book, I wasn't really sure what to write about. My initial thought was to come across as likeable and for the book to be entertaining, easy reading, and non-offensive. Obviously that didn't happen. Days went by and I had nothing, so I wrote this instead.
Ladies: Are you sick of sitting on the bench while the men in your life talk Fantasy Football? Have you always wanted to know how to kick down a door? Build a fire? For any gal who's ready to go head-to-head with the guys on their own turf this book is brimming with sassy, do-it-yourself style. It's chock-full of instructions on the manliest of manly arts, from the highbrow (know the difference between single malt and blended whiskey), to the lowbrow (learn to spit farther than a trucker). Authors Jennifer Axen and Leigh Phillips have written this comprehensive, how-to manual for all the smart, capable women who are sick and tired of being laughed at for not knowing which way is North, intimidated by the finer points of grilling, or just plain excluded for not knowing the (let's face it, very convoluted) infield fly rule. So, for the women out there who know they can do it betterjust as soon as they learn howhelp is finally at hand!
Fresh from her success with the best-selling "Bushworld," Maureen Dowd turns her sparkling prose and wise wit to a topic even more incendiary than presidential politics: sexual politics.
Four decades after the sexual revolution, nothing has worked out the way it was supposed to. The sexes are circling each other as uneasily and comically as ever, from the bedroom to the boardroom to the Situation Room, and now the "New York Times" columnist who won a Pulitzer Prize in 1999 for saucy and incisive commentary about the dangerous liaisons of Bill, Monica, Hillary and Ken Starr digs into the Y and X files, exploring the mysteries and muddles of sexual combat in America.
In a new book filled with chapters that surprise and amuse, Dowd explains why getting ready for a date went from glossing and gargling to Paxiling and Googling; why men are in an evolutionary and romantic shame spiral; why women have reeled backward in many ways; why men may be biologically unsuited to hold higher office, given their diva fits and catfights, teary confessions and fashion obsessions; why women are fixated on their looks more than ever, freezing their faces and emotions in an orgy of plasticity that makes the Stepford Wives look authentic; why male politicians and male institutions get tripped up in so much monkey business; why many alpha women, from Martha to Hillary, can have a successful second act only after becoming humiliated victims; and why the new definition of Having It All is less about empowerment and equality than about flirting and getting rescued, downshifting from "You go, girl!" to "You go lie down, girl."
In addition, Dowd, who has reported on historic moments on the sexual battlefield, from Geraldine Ferraro's vice-presidential run to the Anita Hill-Clarence Thomas hearings to Hillary Rodham Clinton's reign as copresident, explores not only how many of these shining feminist triumphs backfired on women but also how Hillary, a feminist icon busy plotting her campaign to be the first woman president, delivered the final blow to female solidarity herself.
Women's liberation has been less a steady trajectory than a confusing zigzag. Feminism lasted for a nanosecond and generated a gender tangle that has bewitched, bothered and bewildered men and women for forty years. Now comes a woman to cut through the tangle and tickle Adam's rib. The battle of the sexes will never be the same.
Four decades after the sexual revolution, nothing has worked out the way it was supposed to. The sexes are circling each other as uneasily and comically as ever, from the bedroom to the boardroom to the Situation Room, and now the "New York Times" columnist who won a Pulitzer Prize in 1999 for saucy and incisive commentary about the dangerous liaisons of Bill, Monica, Hillary and Ken Starr digs into the Y and X files, exploring the mysteries and muddles of sexual combat in America.
In a new book filled with chapters that surprise and amuse, Dowd explains why getting ready for a date went from glossing and gargling to Paxiling and Googling; why men are in an evolutionary and romantic shame spiral; why women have reeled backward in many ways; why men may be biologically unsuited to hold higher office, given their diva fits and catfights, teary confessions and fashion obsessions; why women are fixated on their looks more than ever, freezing their faces and emotions in an orgy of plasticity that makes the Stepford Wives look authentic; why male politicians and male institutions get tripped up in so much monkey business; why many alpha women, from Martha to Hillary, can have a successful second act only after becoming humiliated victims; and why the new definition of Having It All is less about empowerment and equality than about flirting and getting rescued, downshifting from "You go, girl!" to "You go lie down, girl."
In addition, Dowd, who has reported on historic moments on the sexual battlefield, from Geraldine Ferraro's vice-presidential run to the Anita Hill-Clarence Thomas hearings to Hillary Rodham Clinton's reign as copresident, explores not only how many of these shining feminist triumphs backfired on women but also how Hillary, a feminist icon busy plotting her campaign to be the first woman president, delivered the final blow to female solidarity herself.
Women's liberation has been less a steady trajectory than a confusing zigzag. Feminism lasted for a nanosecond and generated a gender tangle that has bewitched, bothered and bewildered men and women for forty years. Now comes a woman to cut through the tangle and tickle Adam's rib. The battle of the sexes will never be the same.
FROM GROWING UP IN DETROIT, where he marched as a ten-year-old with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., to attending the inauguration of President Barack Obama, where he narrowly avoided the Purple Tunnel of Doom but still saw nothing, David Alan Grier examines how he -- and America -- have changed for the better and the funnier.
Within these pages, Grier imagines being called to serve in President Obama's cabinet as the "secretary of mirth"; takes you to a wild and emotional election night party he hosted that didn't go as planned; explains the true meaning of the "magical Negro"; recalls the formative episodes from his life -- including being rejected by the Black Panthers at their headquarters door and turning down the initial offer to work on "In Living Color" -- and for the first time ever sneaks you backstage at "Dancing with the Stars," where he exposes the inner workings of the show -- the camaraderie between dancers and stars, the excruciatingly painful rehearsals, the outrageous preparations, and each hysterical moment of his four-episode appearance and subsequent public meltdown.
Grier unabashedly muses on politics, culture, and race while recounting his own life story in this edgy, timeless, hilarious, and revelatory memoir and look at all things Barack.
"Barack Like Me" is David Alan Grier at his best -- the man, comic, and twenty-first-century thinker -- funny, brilliant, and original.
From the New York Times bestselling author and host of HBO's Real Time, Bill Maher's latest collection of political riffs and savagely funny suggestions for preserving sanity in an insane world. New Rule The next Republican Convention must be held in a giant closet. Every week there's a new gay Republican outed. I have a feeling that "big tent" they're always talking about is in their pants. There are so many Republicans in the closet, their symbol shouldn't be an elephant; it should be a moth. New Rule If one of your news organization's headlines is about who got kicked off Dancing with the Stars last night, you're no longer a news organization. Sort of like, if you were on Dancing with the Stars last night, you're no longer a star. Media, celebrity, Democrats, Republicans, religion, children, marine life, electronics, that couple making out in the next booth--when it comes to lighting up his targets, Bill Maher is an equal-opportunity destroyer. The New New Rules offers Maher's new and best-loved observations about the world around us, along with some modest tips for its improvement. Because wouldn't life be a little better if the inside of the office microwave didn't look like a Jackson Pollock painting, or if fathers stopped signing up their nine-year-olds to win free hunting trips? Scathingly funny and relentlessly unafraid of sensitive topics, Maher's hilarious brand of realism is more welcome and necessary than ever. So sit back, read on, and enjoy. You may not agree with all his views, but one thing's for certain: If you're listening, you're laughing.
The blowhard-skewering saga continues, with all-new, never-before-printed strips featuring everyone's favorite penguin and all the other quirky denizens of the magical land called Bloom County. This second volume from the strip's 2015 relaunch follows just a year after Bloom County Episode XI: A New Hope, but, boy, have things changed. It seems like we need Opus, Bill, and the gang now more than ever. Filled with biting, hilarious, and all-too necessary political insight from one of America's most celebrated cartoonists, a Brand Spanking New Day is just what the doctor ordered.
"'IN SEARCH OF EXCELLENCE, MEETS 'CATCH 22"- Elaine T., exec at a large knowledge-based firm.
FUNNY AS HELL AND WAY-l'M SORRY-WAY TOO REAL." - Terri B., Former manager, M&A arm of a major telecommunications firm
AS YOU READ EACH CHAPTER, YOU CAN SEE IT COMING. AT LEAST, I CAN SEE IT NOW. BUT BACK WHEN IT HAPPENED TO ME, I DIDN'T SEE IT COMING AT ALL." - Paul M., line manager at a large manufacturing firm that's gone private
IF YOU'VE BEEN THERE, YOU GET IT. IF YOU HAVEN'T, YOU DON'T. SHOULD BE MANDATORY READING FOR B-SCHOOL, SO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GET TING INTO." - Ellen M., retired exec, multinational financial firm
'THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN CHART. THERE'S NO METRIC. IT JUST SEEPS ITS WAY INTO EVERY CORNER OF THE CORPORATION. AND THEN IT FLUSHES ITS WAY OUT THROUGH THE MARKET." - Mike T., Former Harvard economist
"TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN!" - Walter A., media content provider
"THIS IS EXACTLY HOW WE GOT TO WHERE WE ARE." - John P., exec at large manufacturing firm
IT'S THE JAMES JOYCE ULYSSES OF THE MIDDLE MANAGER. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE SHOW IS, OR WHAT SCENE YOU'RE IN, OR WHAT THE RIGHT LINES ARE, OR WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPENING NEXT, OR WHAT IT ALL MEANS. YOU KNOW FOR A FACT THAT SOMETHING'S HAPPENING. THOUGH YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND IT'S NOT ALWAYS FUNNY." - Chris R., SVP at a large financial institution
"THE BALLAD OF THE HIGH-PERFORMING BABY BOOMER. THANK GOD I RETIRED IN THE 1980S. THANK GOD I INVESTED IN ZERO COUPON TREASURIES AND DIVIDEND STOCKS. I WISH YOU ALL LUCK." -Retired CEO of a large corporation
"SIX SIGMA ON ACID." -Steve J., computer design engineer
Find Sunday comic favorites in this classic Calvin and Hobbes collection. This is a collection of the classic comic strip that features Calvin, a rambunctious 6-year-old boy, and his stuffed tiger, Hobbes, who comes charmingly to life. Filled with a Watterson's full-page Sunday strips, this collection is sure to please fans and newcomers alike.
In this inside look at cats through the centuries, a savvy feline of the nineties gives us a delightful, yet factual look at cats who came before in all walks of life: art, literature, as muse and inspiration for famous owners, and as memorable marketing tools and spokescats for products now an indispensable a part of our lives.
A behind-the-scenes look at the rise and fall of The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour -- the provocative, politically charged program that shocked the censors, outraged the White House, and forever changed the face of television. Decades before The Daily Show, The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour proved there was a place on television for no-holds-barred political comedy with a decidedly antiauthoritarian point of view. In this explosive, revealing history of the show, veteran entertainment journalist David Bianculli tells the fascinating story of its three-year network run -- and the cultural impact that's still being felt today. Before it was suddenly removed from the CBS lineup (reportedly under pressure from the Nixon administration), The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour was a ratings powerhouse. It helped launch the careers of comedy legends such as Steve Martin and Rob Reiner, featured groundbreaking musical acts like the Beatles and the Who, and served as a cultural touchstone for the antiwar movement of the late 1960s. Drawing on extensive original interviews with Tom and Dick Smothers and dozens of other key players -- as well as more than a decade's worth of original research -- Dangerously Funny brings readers behind the scenes for all the battles over censorship, mind-blowing musical performances, and unforgettable sketches that defined the show and its era. David Bianculli delves deep into this riveting story, to find out what really happened and to reveal why this show remains so significant to this day.
The human race's most "devastatingly" popular humor series returns...
With five previous books and more than 1.5 million copies sold, The Darwin Awards is a pop culture phenomenon. Honoring those who improve the species by accidentally removing themselves from it, The Darwin Awards countdown (to human extinction) is well under way-and we won't exit this mortal coil without one last laugh. In "The Darwin Awards Countdown to Extinction," readers will find all-new stories chronicling humans who step onto the lowest rung on the evolutionary ladder, including:
? Nine no's with power tools
? Eight ways to incinerate yourself
? Seven safety warnings you should not ignore
? Six romance tips for "safe" sex...
Featuring illustrations and brilliant science-of-evolution essays, this latest volume of "The Darwin Awards" enumerates just how uncommon common sense still is.
With five previous books and more than 1.5 million copies sold, The Darwin Awards is a pop culture phenomenon. Honoring those who improve the species by accidentally removing themselves from it, The Darwin Awards countdown (to human extinction) is well under way-and we won't exit this mortal coil without one last laugh. In "The Darwin Awards Countdown to Extinction," readers will find all-new stories chronicling humans who step onto the lowest rung on the evolutionary ladder, including:
? Nine no's with power tools
? Eight ways to incinerate yourself
? Seven safety warnings you should not ignore
? Six romance tips for "safe" sex...
Featuring illustrations and brilliant science-of-evolution essays, this latest volume of "The Darwin Awards" enumerates just how uncommon common sense still is.
Ayun Halliday's fourth book, Dirty Sugar Cookies, takes readers into the unpredictable mind and comical experiences of a true anti-foodie, giving even the most hopeless cooks a moment of relief from self-criticism, and the least discriminating eaters a reality check. Halliday started out a repressed picky eater without so much as a single fast-food-loving sibling to save her from the gourmet ambitions of a mother whose recipe for Far East Celery once received favorable mention in the Indianapolis Star. Her palate has since expanded to the degree that she'll fork down anything from chili-smothered insects that pass for an exotic destination's local delicacies to a peanut found wedged between the cushions of a theater seat.
From summer camp's unlimited Pop-Tarts to the post-coital breakfasts of a well-traveled actress-waitress and the frustrating payback of cooking for some finicky offspring of the author's own, Dirty Sugar Cookies is an omnivorous, hilarious chronicle of culinary awakening.
From summer camp's unlimited Pop-Tarts to the post-coital breakfasts of a well-traveled actress-waitress and the frustrating payback of cooking for some finicky offspring of the author's own, Dirty Sugar Cookies is an omnivorous, hilarious chronicle of culinary awakening.
Ponder, if you will
What happens to your Social Security number when you die?
Why are peanuts listed as an ingredient in plain M&Ms?
Why is Barbie's hair made out of nylon, but Ken's hair is plastic?
What makes up the ever-mysterious "new-car smell"?
Pop-culture guru David Feldman demystifies these topics and so much more in Do Penguins Have Knees? -- the unchallenged source of answers to civilization's most perplexing questions.
Part of the Imponderables(R) series, Do Penguins Have Knees? arms readers with the knowledge about everyday life that encyclopedias, dictionaries, and almanacs just don't have. And think about it, where else are you going to get to the bottom of how beer was kept cold in the Old West?
The creator of "Dilbert," the fastest-growing comic strip in America (syndicated in more than 900 newspapers and read by more than 60 million people), presents a hilariously biting compilation of cartoons that expose the absurdities of corporate management. Dilbert is sweeping the nation. "The San Francisco Chronicle" dubbed him "the cartoon hero of the workplace, " saying that the strip "has its finger on the pulse of the '90s white-collar workplace." Now online, it is one of the hottest Web sites on the Internet, and more than a million copies of the "Dilbert" cartoon books have been sold.
In this latest cartoon compilation, Dilbert's canine sidekick, the Machiavellian Dogbert, presents a breakthrough management manual to help bosses stick it to their employees. All too often, new managers make mistakes like rewarding good work with good pay, communicating clearly and improving departmental efficiency. Dogbert shows that this could have devastating results: Employees begin to expect fair treatment and compensation, productive workers show results (making the managers look bad by comparison) and the department's future budget allotment could be decreased because it spends only what it needs.
Drawn from years of experience tormenting Dilbert and advising his boss, "Dogbert's Top Secret Management Handbook" uses pithy essays, whose points are illustrated with hundreds of comic strips, to drive home the lost cause of the employee in the workplace. It is the perfect gift for bosses and office workers everywhere."[Adams] turns the powerful searchlight of his intelligence on management, seeking its very essence. Think of him as Peter Drucker with fleas." "--Fortune"
"I am nowconvinced 98% of the managers I've worked for have read this book and taken Dogbert's advice." "--USA Today"
Where do we come from? Who created us? Why are we here? These questions have puzzled us since the dawn of time, but when it became apparent to Jon Stewart and the writers of The Daily Show that the world was about to end, they embarked on a massive mission to write a book that summed up the human race: What we looked like; what we accomplished; our achievements in society, government, religion, science and culture -- all in a tome of 238 pages with lots of color photos, graphs and charts.
After two weeks of hard work, they had their book. EARTH (The Book) is the definitive guide to our species. With their trademark wit, irreverence, and intelligence, Stewart and his team posthumously answer all of life's most hard-hitting questions, completely unburdened by objectivity, journalistic integrity, or even accuracy.
After two weeks of hard work, they had their book. EARTH (The Book) is the definitive guide to our species. With their trademark wit, irreverence, and intelligence, Stewart and his team posthumously answer all of life's most hard-hitting questions, completely unburdened by objectivity, journalistic integrity, or even accuracy.
Let's be honest - nobody has more fun than atheists. Don't believe it? Well, consider this: For non-believers, every day you're alive is a day to celebrate! And no one celebrates life to the fullest like Penn Jillette - the larger, louder half of legendary magic duo Penn & Teller - whose spectacularly witty and sharply observant essays in Every Day Is an Atheist Holiday! will entertain zealots and skeptics alike. Whether he's contemplating the possibility of life after death, deconstructing popular Christmas carols, or just calling bullsh*t on Donald Trump's apprentice training, Jillette does not fail to shock and delight his readers. And as ever, underneath these rollicking rants lie a deeply personal philosophy and a generous spirit, which find joy and meaning in family, and peace in the simple beauty of the everyday. Every Day Is an Atheist Holiday! is a hysterical affirmation of life's magic from one of the most distinctly perceptive and provocative humorists writing today.
From America's favorite television reporter--wise and hilarious commentaries on the always fragile human condition.
In this one-of-a-kind book, we get the undiluted David Brinkley. He marvels at government regulations that require paint cans to bear a label reading "Do not drink paint." He reminisces about a White House that once welcomed casual picnickers on its lawn. He observes that "if we can put a man on the moon, we could put Congress in orbit." He skewers lawyers, bureaucrats, Washington insiders, hypocrites of all stripes. He commemorates absurdity--and hence suffers fools gladly. This collection is Brinkley at his unbeatable best.
In this one-of-a-kind book, we get the undiluted David Brinkley. He marvels at government regulations that require paint cans to bear a label reading "Do not drink paint." He reminisces about a White House that once welcomed casual picnickers on its lawn. He observes that "if we can put a man on the moon, we could put Congress in orbit." He skewers lawyers, bureaucrats, Washington insiders, hypocrites of all stripes. He commemorates absurdity--and hence suffers fools gladly. This collection is Brinkley at his unbeatable best.
Babies can be a joy--and hard work. Now, they can also be a 50-in-1 science project kit! This fascinating and hands-on guide shows you how to re-create landmark scientific studies on cognitive, motor, language, and behavioral development--using your own bundle of joy as the research subject. Simple, engaging, and fun for both baby and parent, each project sheds light on how your baby is acquiring new skills--everything from recognizing faces, voices, and shapes to understanding new words, learning to walk, and even distinguishing between right and wrong. Whether your little research subject is a newborn, a few months old, or a toddler, these simple, surprising projects will help you see the world through your baby's eyes--and discover ways to strengthen newly acquired skills during your everyday interactions.
Sure, everyone does it; but everyone tries to hide it a little differently. Farts: A Spotter's Guide will help you pinpoint he (or she) who dealt it every time. This hilarious book identifies the habitat, range, voice, and "field marks" of tencommon wind breakers, from the gentle hiss of the Silent-but-Deadly to the rip-roaring flatulation of the Seismic Blast. The attached battery powered fart machine reproduces each emanation in accurate sound. Grossly hip illustrations by the Fudge Factory'syes, you read that rightTravis Millard depict the offenders and offendees in brilliant detail. Printed on durable card stock, this is pure, unbridled entertainment for the giggling child in all of us. Let 'er rip!
The most-listened-to radio personality in the country is back with another collection of winning stories. Based on the popular For What It's Worth feature of Harvey's daily broadcast, this witty, whimsical volume gathers the best of those strange, funny and downright irresistible news items culled from papers coast-to-coast.
Long before there were Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, Americans were getting their giggles from Fractured Fairy Tales, a regular feature on Rocky and Bullwinkle in the 1960s. Now, for the first time, these delightfully warped parables are available in read-aloud book form, illustrated with classic art from the show.
CUTE KITTENS
PURRING GUNS
From SPAS-12-toting Siamese and AK-47-flashing Norwegian Forest Cat to Colt 45-carrying Tonkinese and a Beretta-brandishing Russian Blue, this book exposes with pictures the shocking love affair between furry felines and high-powered firearms.
Many secret habits of felines have previously been revealed, including their motivations for painting, the stuff they wear, and their laugh-out-loud language. But until now, no book has dared explore the shadowy world of armed-to-the-teeth kittens described and pictured in "From My Cold Dead Paws." Like strawberries and cream, hot dogs and baseball, apple pie and illegal fireworks, cats and guns make perfect partners. From Colt 45carrying calico and Glock-toting tabby to Uzi-brandishing Siamese and AKSU-flashing Siberian, this book presents the shocking intersection of America s love affairs with cuddly pets and purring guns. A photographic celebration of the independent nature of cats, "From My Cold Dead Paws" offers full descriptions of each breed and gun, including color, coat type, pattern, caliber, barrel length, and muzzle velocity. Adding to the readers' enjoyment is a dynamic, full-color design with guns, bullets, and targets firing all over the pages.
"
PURRING GUNS
From SPAS-12-toting Siamese and AK-47-flashing Norwegian Forest Cat to Colt 45-carrying Tonkinese and a Beretta-brandishing Russian Blue, this book exposes with pictures the shocking love affair between furry felines and high-powered firearms.
Many secret habits of felines have previously been revealed, including their motivations for painting, the stuff they wear, and their laugh-out-loud language. But until now, no book has dared explore the shadowy world of armed-to-the-teeth kittens described and pictured in "From My Cold Dead Paws." Like strawberries and cream, hot dogs and baseball, apple pie and illegal fireworks, cats and guns make perfect partners. From Colt 45carrying calico and Glock-toting tabby to Uzi-brandishing Siamese and AKSU-flashing Siberian, this book presents the shocking intersection of America s love affairs with cuddly pets and purring guns. A photographic celebration of the independent nature of cats, "From My Cold Dead Paws" offers full descriptions of each breed and gun, including color, coat type, pattern, caliber, barrel length, and muzzle velocity. Adding to the readers' enjoyment is a dynamic, full-color design with guns, bullets, and targets firing all over the pages.
"
The former SNL star recounts the adventures and unexpected joy of dating and becoming a mom when she least expected it--at the age of forty-four. Anyone who saw an episode of Saturday Night Live between 1999 and 2006 knows Rachel Dratch. She was hilarious! So what happened to her? After a misbegotten part as Jenna on the pilot of 30 Rock, Dratch was only getting offered roles as "Lesbians. Secretaries. Sometimes secretaries who are lesbians." Her career as a female comedian at a low point, she suddenly had time for yoga, dog-sitting, learning Spanish--and dating. Dratch reveals the joys and terrors of putting herself out there in a quest to find love and then becoming a mother in an undreamed-of way. With riotous humor, she recounts breaking the news to her bewildered parents, the awe of her single friends, and romance and coparenting with her baby-daddy, John. Filled with great behind-the-scenes anecdotes from Dratch's time on SNL, Girl Walks into a Bar . . . is a funny book with a refreshing version of the happily-ever-after story, full of sensitivity, candor, and plenty of comic relief, as only Rachel Dratch can tell it.
It's bedtime in the Star Wars galaxy, and Darth Vader's parenting skills are tested anew in this delightful follow-up to the breakout New York Times bestsellers Darth Vader(TM) and Son and Vader's(TM) Little Princess. In this Episode, the Sith Lord must soothe his rambunctious twins, Luke and Leia--who are not ready to sleep and who insist on a story. As Vader reads, the book looks in on favorite creatures, droids, and characters, such as Yoda, R2-D2, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Darth Maul, Admiral Ackbar, Boba Fett, and many others as they tuck in, yawn, and settle down to dream. As ever, Jeffrey Brown's charming illustrations and humor glow throughout, playing on children's book conventions to enchant adults and kids alike.
Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella are back with another collection of warm and witty stories that will strike a chord with every woman. This four book series is among the best reviewed humor books published today and has been compared to the late greats, Erma Bombeck and Nora Ephron. Booklist raved of the third book in the series, Meet Me At Emotional Baggage Claim, "readers can count on an ab-toning laugh session, a silly giggle, a sympathetic sigh, and a lump in the throat as life's moments are rehashed through the keen eyes and wits of this lovable mother-daughter duo." This fourth volume, Have a Nice Guilt Trip, maintains the same sterling standard of humor and poignancy as Lisa and Francesca continue on the road of life acquiring men and puppies. Ok, to be honest, Lisa is acquiring the puppies, while Francesca is lucky enough to have dates with actual men. They leave it to the listeners to decide which is more desirable and/or or easier to train.
If I could turn back
Time, I'd look just like Cher did
Before surgery. In Hot Flash Haiku, you'll find 200 funny and frank, punny and profound poems designed to delight women of a certain age. Hot flashers Jennifer Basye Sander and Paula Munier have divided this hilarious and moving collection by the five stages of grief, alternately laughing and lamenting about such ageless topics like love, sex, children, death, taxes, and life in general on the far side of forty. Hot Flash Haiku: Because you're hot and you know it!
Time, I'd look just like Cher did
Before surgery. In Hot Flash Haiku, you'll find 200 funny and frank, punny and profound poems designed to delight women of a certain age. Hot flashers Jennifer Basye Sander and Paula Munier have divided this hilarious and moving collection by the five stages of grief, alternately laughing and lamenting about such ageless topics like love, sex, children, death, taxes, and life in general on the far side of forty. Hot Flash Haiku: Because you're hot and you know it!
A self-help tool in the form of a work of humour. It presents sardonic advice in a tongue-in-cheek style, explaining how people can ruin their lives, thus warning against self-destructive behaviours. It comprises 35 steps that provide a road map to making life work in effective ways.
There are many things that we see in others or become associated within our lives that are upsetting, unnerving or aggravating. In some cases, they are pet peeves that make us crazy. Most of the time we say nothing because it really isn't worth it. But sometimes the negative effect on us is so great we can barely stand it. This book is filled with topics that you will want (or even need) to share with a number of people who form your inner and outer circle of life. They frequently do this ridiculous and sometimes awkward, aggravating, or stupid thing. They do it all the time. You have been dying to mention something about it to them but are too chicken to act. Instead of expressing yourself or letting go in a manner that you might probably dread, Welborn Eiler has taken care of this for you. With brutal honesty, sprinkled with humor and sarcasm, he lets others know exactly where you stand and how you really feel. He covers annoying subjects across the spectrum, including: Your Unwanted Opinion; Leaving your Stuff all over the Place; Eating in Bed; Not Changing the Toilet Paper Roll; Tail-Gating; Always Late; Talking in Movie Theatres; and Picky Eaters. If any of these topics hit close to home, here is something else you might want to consider: I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU!
The New York Times bestseller from "the funniest man in America" (New York Times). Not everyone has to be dragged kicking and screaming through adulthood. Let Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist and nationally unrecognized voice of maturity Dave Barry make the journey a little easier--and a lot funnier--with his hilarious takes on parenting, changing self-image, the battle of the sexes, technology, health care, celebrityhood-and even vampires!
The 100% true autobiography of an award-winning writer and professional liar. From the back jacket: My family is so weird. I wouldn't go so far to say that we're psycho. It's just that strange things happen to us: . explosions . . genetic mutations . . poisonous snakes . . ghost attacks . and other mishaps. Sometimes I wish that we could all just relax.
Does a day at the office leave you exhausted? It's because you're fighting off predators from one minute to the next. If you hope to survive, you had better be able to recognize them, and fast!
The most deadly is the CEO. He or she chooses the hunting ground and the rules of engagement. The CEO may be the flamboyant big-spending-big-living Jim Fizz, the uninspiring bureaucrat, Chief Dumpling or the sneaky Spector.
As their prey, you are ambushed, at least once a day, by your All Star Boss - the charming lazy Handicap, martinet Dwight Debit, workaholic Treadmill, stifling Den Mother, terrified Chicken Little, hired gun Wyatt Earp or the deeply venomous Dick Dujour.
Just about every hour, attacks come at you from every direction, launched by your All Pro Colleagues. Watch out for teacher's pet Deputy Tool, malicious mis-informer Jerry Malaria, bionic blob Chuck Yeast, territory-grabbing Max Pilfer, and the man who would be chairman, E. Bunsen Burner III.
You would think that your subordinates would help you defend your position against all this villainy. Nope! Ever heard the term "ankle-biter?" Just when you've defused the latest crisis from your boss and blunted the latest charge from your colleagues, who steps up the attack from behind? The insatiably needy Tar-Pit, or the party animal Boom-Boom, the sabotage expert-Termite, the WTF? UFO, and the perpetually aggrieved and noisy Affidavit.
Yes, in order to survive each day, you need to know who they are. You need to know what they say, what they do and how they do it. And you need to see what they look like. This astonishing field guide to the corporate office includes their pictures. Perfect to use as dartboards in your home rec room.
In this uproarious collection of essays, Halliday displays a work ethic all employers can admire: wearing a leg brace to work after calling in "sick," quitting the same day she starts by claiming her stepbrother had been in a bike accident, and faking "vocal nodes" to avoid telemarketing calls.
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER From stand-up comedian, actress, and breakout star of Girls Trip, Tiffany Haddish, comes The Last Black Unicorn, a sidesplitting, hysterical, edgy, and unflinching collection of (extremely) personal essays, as fearless as the author herself. Growing up in one of the poorest neighborhoods of South Central Los Angeles, Tiffany learned to survive by making people laugh. If she could do that, then her classmates would let her copy their homework, the other foster kids she lived with wouldn't beat her up, and she might even get a boyfriend. Or at least she could make enough money--as the paid school mascot and in-demand Bar Mitzvah hype woman--to get her hair and nails done, so then she might get a boyfriend. None of that worked (and she's still single), but it allowed Tiffany to imagine a place for herself where she could do something she loved for a living: comedy. Tiffany can't avoid being funny--it's just who she is, whether she's plotting shocking, jaw-dropping revenge on an ex-boyfriend or learning how to handle her newfound fame despite still having a broke person's mind-set. Finally poised to become a household name, she recounts with heart and humor how she came from nothing and nowhere to achieve her dreams by owning, sharing, and using her pain to heal others. By turns hilarious, filthy, and brutally honest, The Last Black Unicorn shows the world who Tiffany Haddish really is--humble, grateful, down-to-earth, and funny as hell. And now, she's ready to inspire others through the power of laughter.
During the course of living (mumble, mumble) years, Dave Barry has learned much of wisdom, * (*actual wisdom not guaranteed) and he is eager to pass it on--to the next generation, the generation after that, and to those idiots who make driving to the grocery store in Florida a death-defying experience. In brilliant, brand-new, never-before-published pieces, Dave passes on home truths to his new grandson and to his daughter Sophie, who will be getting her learner's permit in 2015 ("So you're about to start driving! How exciting! I'm going to kill myself"). He explores the hometown of his youth, where the grown-ups were supposed to be uptight fifties conformists, but seemed to have a lot of un-Mad Men-like fun, unlike Dave's own Baby Boomer generation, which was supposed to be wild and crazy, but somehow turned into neurotic hover-parents. He dives into everything from the inanity of cable news and the benefits of Google Glass ("You will look like a douchebag") to the loneliness of high school nerds ("You will never hear a high school girl say about a boy, in a dreamy voice, 'He's so sarcastic!'"), from the perils of home repair to firsthand accounts of the soccer craziness of Brazil and the just plain crazy craziness of Vladimir Putin's Russia ("He stares at the camera with the expression of a man who relaxes by strangling small furry animals"), and a lot more besides. By the end, if you do not feel wiser, richer in knowledge, more attuned to the universe . . . we wouldn't be at all surprised. But you'll have had a lot to laugh about!
"Jon Macks is one of the greatest comedy writers of all time." Chris Rock
A hilarious, revealing look behind the history and culture of American late-night TV, by a longtime comedy writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
Ever since Johnny Carson first popularized the late-night talk show in 1962 with The Tonight Show, the eleven p.m. to two a.m. comedy time slot on network television has remained an indelible part of our national culture. More than six popular late-night shows air every night of the week, and with recent major shake-ups in the industry, late-night television has never been more relevant to our public consciousness than it is today. Jon Macks, a veteran writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, takes us behind the scenes of this world for an in-depth, colorful look at what really makes these hosts the arbiters of public opinion.
From the opening monologue what s funny, what s dangerous, what s untouchable to the best vs. worst guests, Macks covers the landscape of late-night comedy and punctuates the narrative with hysterical personal anecdotes, shining the spotlight on some of the very best late night jokes, and drawing from more than half a million of his own jokes written over the span of twenty years. With an insider s expertise and a laugh-out-loud voice, Macks explains how late-night TV redefines the news and events of any given day, reshapes public opinion, and even creates our national zeitgeist."
A hilarious, revealing look behind the history and culture of American late-night TV, by a longtime comedy writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
Ever since Johnny Carson first popularized the late-night talk show in 1962 with The Tonight Show, the eleven p.m. to two a.m. comedy time slot on network television has remained an indelible part of our national culture. More than six popular late-night shows air every night of the week, and with recent major shake-ups in the industry, late-night television has never been more relevant to our public consciousness than it is today. Jon Macks, a veteran writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, takes us behind the scenes of this world for an in-depth, colorful look at what really makes these hosts the arbiters of public opinion.
From the opening monologue what s funny, what s dangerous, what s untouchable to the best vs. worst guests, Macks covers the landscape of late-night comedy and punctuates the narrative with hysterical personal anecdotes, shining the spotlight on some of the very best late night jokes, and drawing from more than half a million of his own jokes written over the span of twenty years. With an insider s expertise and a laugh-out-loud voice, Macks explains how late-night TV redefines the news and events of any given day, reshapes public opinion, and even creates our national zeitgeist."
The Mother's Guide to the Meaning of Life is the third in a series of books designed to find the extraordinary in the everyday. Here author Amy Krouse Rosenthal explores the joys and pitfalls of parenting in a way that mothers everywhere will recognize and appreciate. Rosenthal, who has written for The New York Times and Redbook, offers a series of essays, anecdotes, vignettes and asides, and she explores the universal themes of motherhood, from guilt and inadequacy to joy and magic to the astonishing sense of self-discovery that comes with being a mother. With wit, understanding, and hilarity, Rosenthal covers everything from "What I've Learned About Humility" to a mother's occasional, secret fantasy to run away from it all. Her fresh, Seinfeld-esque humor taps into the minutiae of everyday life with "that-is-so-true" insight and sets itself apart with its smart, witty, and delightfully quirky nature.
In this raucous collection of true-life stories, actress and comedian Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent in the social trenches with that wild, strange, irresistible, and often gratifying beast: the one-night stand.
You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool.
Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.
You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool.
Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.
While Laura Ingraham was walking through a Northern Virginia shopping mall one Saturday afternoon, it all became clear to her. Everywhere she turned, she saw signs of the impending disaster: zombie teens texting each other across a café table; a man having his eyebrows threaded at a kiosk; a fiftyish woman shoe-horned into a tube top and skinny jeans; and a storefront ad featuring a Victoria's Secret model spilling out of her push-up bra and into the faces of young passersby. Ingraham wondered to herself, "Is this it? Is this what our forefathers fought for? What my parents struggled for? I wonder if Victoria's Secret is still having that two-for-one sale?" A menacing force surrounds us. We see it, we feel it, we know it. The country we love is in grave peril. While politicians and "experts" prattle on about the debt crisis at home, and terrorism abroad, a more insidious homegrown threat is emerging. It endangers our future and undermines our present. The uncomfortable truth is: We have become our own worst enemy. The culture we have created is now turning on us. We're on the verge of drowning in our ignorance, arrogance, gluttony . . . can you believe there are only three shots of vanilla in a Caramel Macchiato?!? Now in an act of patriotic intervention the most-listened-to woman in talk radio casts her satirical eye upon all that ails American society. In this sharp-witted, comic romp, Laura Ingraham takes you on a guided tour through ten levels of our cultural hell. You know we're in trouble when . . . - Airplane seats shrink--just as the passengers expand. - Celebrity baby names go from the peculiar (Apple, Stetson, and Daisy Boo) to the pathetic (Bamboo, Blanket, and Bronx). - People meticulously tend their virtual crops on Farmville, while their children eat takeout. - "Breaking News" usually means it happened yesterday. - The weddings last longer than the marriages. - Facebook has become a verb and reading has become an ancient art form. Of Thee I Zing is cultural commentary too funny to ignore, igniting a national conversation long past due. America, your cultural recovery begins here.
So many freaks . . . so few circuses." * This hip relationship manual (part self-help and part self-expression) pairs inspired sarcasm with expressive illustrations. One Hot Chick: In Search of Mr. Right -- Now is Cheryl Caldwell's second Co-Edikit book--this time combining her lively cartoon character drawings with to-the-point relationship observations: * I'm so miserable without you . . . it's almost like you're still here." * "Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m." * "How about a nice tall glass of never-gonna-happen? Co-Edikit-branded products are available in 20 product formats ranging from stickers, plush toys, and candy to clothing, housewares, and tattoos
This book is full of ballsy commentary from internationally acclaimed super-intellectuals on all of the best Onion articles (indexed for your convenience at the back). You could repeat some of these comments as if you'd just thought of them, at a party or something where everyone suddenly runs out of things to say.
A classic of sport, and the first of George Plimpton's remarkable forays into participatory journalism, Out of My League chronicles with wit, charm, and grace what happens when a self-professed amateur wonders how he would fare on a baseball mound in a major league game.
On an ordinary afternoon in the third-baseline seats of Yankee Stadium, Plimpton hits on what seems an inspired idea - to get on the mound and pitch a few innings to the All-Stars of the American and National Leagues. What begins as a fun-filled stunt, for the average man to pitch in the Big Leagues, comes to a nearly humiliating end. This honest and hilarious tale features Mickey Mantle, Billy Martin, Willie Mays, Ernie Banks, Whitey Ford, Ralph Houk, Richie Ashburn, and other baseball greats. What happens when America's favorite sports dilettante tries his arm against the likes of Hall-of-Fame baseball players recalls the dreams of diamond heroics of every man who still has the noble heart of youth beating in him and the fears of anyone who has taken a lump or two from life.
On an ordinary afternoon in the third-baseline seats of Yankee Stadium, Plimpton hits on what seems an inspired idea - to get on the mound and pitch a few innings to the All-Stars of the American and National Leagues. What begins as a fun-filled stunt, for the average man to pitch in the Big Leagues, comes to a nearly humiliating end. This honest and hilarious tale features Mickey Mantle, Billy Martin, Willie Mays, Ernie Banks, Whitey Ford, Ralph Houk, Richie Ashburn, and other baseball greats. What happens when America's favorite sports dilettante tries his arm against the likes of Hall-of-Fame baseball players recalls the dreams of diamond heroics of every man who still has the noble heart of youth beating in him and the fears of anyone who has taken a lump or two from life.
"Did some immigrant just take your job? Or did your job get sent overseas? Either way, it's called Globalization. And Globalization is going to make it impossible to find another job that pays as well as the one you just lost. What to do? Wake up and smell the coffee! In America, every problem is an opportunity. There's a whole new way of doing things here. It's all about keeping the best and dumping the rest. You want to keep with the best. Here's how. Follow trailblazers Dick and Jane and their family as they rise from the disaster and heartbreak of career termination to beating Globalization at its own game."